Hope… less…ness… and a lot of Questions…

Ever analyze yourself and the ways you deal with stressful situations and the dark black pit called depression?

Do you brush it under a rug located in the far corner of your brain? Or do you face it full force just so you can continue on with your life? Do you do both, depending on the issue, the time, the place?

And, which is the right way to deal with things? Is there a right way? Can it be that sometimes ignoring the pain will subdue it? And can it be that sometimes fighting the darkness is the only way back into normalcy? How do you know which method to use? Is it a gut feeling? Is it survival instinct?

This world can be a lot to handle for some people. For me, too. It brings me down, every now and again, how corrupt, how hopeless and how bleak the situation looks. Sometimes looking at the world makes me feel we are heading for a full on crash, the impending doom. How does one deal with the knowledge it’s all going “belly up”- do I curl up into a ball and wait for things to end? Do I accept the fact and try and get the most of what is yet to be.. before…?

Why is it that some rainy days make our hearts bloom with happiness, to look at the beauty of a storm from inside a house with warmth around us and feelings of content being? And other days a rainy day just adds that extra touch of going over the finish line to a heartbreak?

How long can we go on ignoring all the obstacles life throws at us before we give up? Is it wrong to take serious things lightly at times because doing so you’re holding onto to the only straw keeping you alive?

Is it enough to have people around us cheering us up? Does it make us change our minds when we realize there are people who so desperately need us?

It is scary. It scares the living crap out of me to be hit with realization that sometimes underneath it all, there are thoughts of quitting. There are thoughts of hopelessness, there are thoughts so sad that make us so tired. Whether it’s myself, yourself or another person- I want to find the strength- always- to keep going. I want you to find strength- always- to keep going. I don’t know the answers to everything, no one does. We can only stay strong and not give up.

I’ll tell you what keeps me strong- my curiosity of what’s yet to come! My will to fight and make things better for myself because I know I sure as hell deserve better. The knowledge that for someone I am the very everything- family, friends, even work. The knowledge of being needed. And we are all needed, even if we don’t always feel it. I also know, even though this might sound like a cliché, that hell yes, I have this one life and I will use it to my best abilities. I will always try and turn things around for the better because I refuse to waste my life.. my one, who-knows-how-short-or-long-life… on giving the pleasure to whatever darkness in this world. I was born, therefore I am absolutely entitled to a good and happy life!

8 comments

    • Thank you kindly, Ann!… These were my thoughts for the past couple of days… not the greatest way to spend a weekend, but sometimes necessary to stop everything and figure things out.

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  1. Viimase lõiguga võtad ise kõik hästi kokku 🙂

    aga maailm ja elu ongi nagu “ameerika mäed” lõbustuspargis- kord sõidad üles, kord alla, kord on sirge lõik ja kindlustunne, seejärel järsk ja kriiskeid esile kutsuv kurv jne.

    Ja seda, et maailm on hukas ja peagi saabub sellele kaosele totaalne kollaps, seda juttu on juba aastasadu – või isegi tuhandeid- räägitud. Samas, elu kui selline jätkub vaatamata kõigele.

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