Kings of the Wyld by Nicholas Eames

30841984GLORY NEVER GETS OLD.

Clay Cooper and his band were once the best of the best — the meanest, dirtiest, most feared crew of mercenaries this side of the Heartwyld.

Their glory days long past, the mercs have grown apart and grown old, fat, drunk – or a combination of the three. Then an ex-bandmate turns up at Clay’s door with a plea for help. His daughter Rose is trapped in a city besieged by an enemy one hundred thousand strong and hungry for blood. Rescuing Rose is the kind of mission that only the very brave or the very stupid would sign up for.

It’s time to get the band back together for one last tour across the Wyld.

Source Format Pages Publisher Publication Date
Amazon ebook 528 Orbit February 21st, 2017

So… have you heard about Kings of the Wyld yet? Yes? Cool, then you know how full of beans this book is. No? Oy, my friend, you are missing out, yo!

Clay Cooper lives a simple life… guarding at the Watch, he is now also a father and a husband. His life entirely revolves around the two ladies in his life.

‘Now we are tired old men,’ Clay muttered to no one but the night. And what was so wrong with that? He’d met plenty of actual giants in his day, and most of them were assholes.

And then on quite a regular day, Golden Gabe shows up at Clay’s door, asking for his help in getting the band back together to go and rescue Gabriel’s daughter from Castia. A city that’s under siege by 100k+ horde, fronted by a druin.

Thus the adventure begins, but first- they have to go and convince the rest of the old band’s members to tag along which mightn’t be an easy task considering that one of them is a King, characteristically fat; one of them a wizard, who’s currently making good money curing erectile dysfunction; and the last of them a prisoner.

But legends aren’t born of weaklings. And no excuse is strong enough, or is perhaps exactly strong enough, to pull the 5 brothers back together and on the road.

Reasons I didn’t like this book: none

Reasons I liked this book? Many…

You know how some books wax poetic around how ‘her kiss was sweet like strawberries and cream’ or how ‘his touch was like silk’ or ‘oh, how the trees swayed in the winds like sad yet gentle giants’? Well… while Kings of the Wyld pulled out many a moment that punched me right in the Knob of my Feels, I enjoyed author’s no filter approach.

The booker’s toothy grin withered like a cock in cold water.

See? This is quality right there!

You know the books where heros are gallant knights in shining armour, gentlemanly and smooth as margarine? Well, Kings of the Wyld brings you Saga… 5 heros who know how to enjoy a good meal as much as value a good pair of tits.

‘I know the whole ‘gorgons turning men into stone’ thing is a myth,’ he said quetly, ‘but I’m hard as a rock right now.’

Clay levelled a glare at the man who’d been his king less than a week ago. ‘Seriously?’

You know those books where everything considered downright rude is redacted? Yeah… Kings of the Wyld doesn’t do redacted. As far as I’m concerned, if you, as the representative of the female sex, have ever found yourself in a band of merry men, then you’ll know exactly that this is what you can expect from men- crude comments thrown into the mix at high pressure moments that can turn said men into a giggly fit of boys.

‘Lost?’ Larkspur’s laugh was mirthless. ‘Know what happened to the last man who told me I’d lost? I put his cock in his mouth and his head on a pike.’

‘No way my cock would fit in my mouth,’ said Matrick, as though it were an obvious fact. Kit barked a short, incongruous laugh.

Kings of the Wyld is a fantastic mix of vulgarity mixed with great amount of lighthearted banter and unexpected bursts of soul soothing emotion. A great mix, if you ask me. Yes, you may not believe me, but there were a few times I was close to tearing up, the emotion of a moment was delivered so beautfully and often had a hidden gem of morality in it…

Gregor had been born a monster in a monstrous world, and he managed to find beauty in it nonetheless. He’d squeezed sweet juice from a rotten orange. He’d painted an old house pink. And what was more: He had given all this to his brother, as a gift.

All in all, fantastic beasts and where to find them? Look no further becauseΒ Kings of the Wyld will give them to you plenty. The banter and the premise made me think of two movies… Last Vegas and Expendables. You have a group of old men who have been, essentially, moved aside for the freshfaced and younger crowd, but the younger crowd often forget that with age comes experience. Mix into it fun, tons of fun and some great wisdom gathered through the years and the adventury is unlike any you’ve witnessed before.

Something about that word stirred the embers in Clay’s gut. It didn’t matter that he was old, or tired, or that he’d drunk deep enough from glory’s cup to slake a lifetime’s thirst. Saying glory to a warrior was like saying walk to a dog- you got its tail wagging, sure as shit.

Overall, Kings of the Wyld made me laugh at least once in every chapter. It kept me gripped with the banter, with the fights, with the battles, with the twists. I loved each and every character that Eames threw my way because they were each and every one of them a ‘sight to behold’. And here, I must tell you that while Clay, Gabe, Moog and Matrick are true sweethearts, I loved Ganelon the most. Saga’s members had great synergy in between them and each gave me so much joy. So, if you’ve read the book you may perhaps wonder why Ganelon? There was just something about him. Dangerous, yes, but when not in battle, he was the quiet background character with more in his thoughts than it felt like he gave on. A character that I would find myself observing in real life, wondering what they were thinking and wanting to hear all they had to say. After all.. he had had the most time to ponder on things… *ahem*

5 *- loved it… one of my 2017 favorites for sure!

30 comments

  1. I absolutely love your reasons for not liking the book haha. Seen it reviewed a fair few times across the blogoshere and it has me wanting to try it. I’m going to give the audio book version a try soon, i think. Purely as crudeness and witty remarks work amazing through audio books. Lies of Lock Lamora proved that.

    Can’t wait.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Every review I’ve seen of this book makes me want to read it more and more. I almost bought it yesterday. The only reason I didn’t was because I have so many books on the go now. Loved your review and all those pull quotes cracked me up. I know I’ll love it.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Woohoo you finished it! And you loved it, thankfully after I told you to read it, otherwise I might have faced the Queen’s Wrath!πŸ˜‚

    Just such a damn fine book, it has everything you could need and more, great review as ever Liz, can’t fault a damn thing that you said!πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahahahahaahh all those cock jokes were soooooo unexpected. They actually sound legit hilarious and integrated at the right moments. So far, all the reviews I’ve read for this book have been a perfect 5 stars. Your review is the last one that has pushed me to add it in my TBR. I’d honestly jump right on it if I didn’t have so many other books to read, oh my god… This was an excellent review, Liz!! I honestly didn’t expect those quotes by the way you introduced them throughout your review hahahaha πŸ˜›

    – Lashaan

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah, gotta love cock jokes! XD yeah, this one is a whole ton of fun… but I know your dilemma as well with books… there really are so many good ones to catch up on… alas… we’re young and plenty of decades yet to catch up with them all πŸ˜‰
      Thank you Lashaan! I’m glad you got a laugh out of the review!

      Liked by 1 person

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