I don’t know why, for some reason I found myself believing that we are all monsters underneath. Ugly, selfish, “always right” kind of monsters. And not only to ourselves, but again, a repeating theme of “I do it to myself”

I know some people believe that all humans are born good and are essentially sincere. I believe that, too. I believe that whatever makes a human bitter, angry, sand, psychotic is placed into one by life, environment, circumstance, even bad genes.

But if life and environment has been good to us, we still have a certain amount of spite in us, don’t we? At one point or other in our lives we are all vicious, even if before and after we are good. It is the moral code holding us back from saying and doing the worst of things?Darn it, I always wonder…and ask.. but I never get the answers… is there any answers?

Anyway- yet another scandal here in Ireland. In addition to the reports of priests abusing children, the Magdalene Sisters, to the mass grave at a mother’s and babies home in Tuam, to the many people who were unnecessarily institutionalized in the past… we have a new scandal at a care home where elderly women with intellectual disabilities are treated with no respect. I watched those carers treat them bad and I want nothing more than for the carers to get prosecuted! Nothing… and I mean nothing has sickened me more than the row of new scandals that is breaking out in this country. And I know every country has it’s skeletons.

How do we sleep at night as humans?

How do we silence the conscience and the guilt?

How can we degrade, humiliate and hurt people? The same people that we are? The same people that our families are?

The last drops are falling into my chalice… I am ready to give up. I don’t want to become the ignorant “away with the faeries” human. But I can not watch or read news soon- they make me cry, they make me feel so bad about everything that’s going on, they make me hate humans more and more every day.

I know there are good and lovely people out there. People who do their very best to help and aid and heal. They give away all they have to make something better. But if this is a fight in between good and evil, then it seems to me that the evil and darkness is winning…

When will we stop destroying?

Why don’t we just stop?