Ever wonder if it’s true that when one is pessimistic they draw all and other negative things towards them and are therefore eternally stuck in a hole of misery?
I often find myself “preaching”the importance of having a realistic mindset. Why? Because I dislike the high and heavy bubble-bursts when the overly optimistic plans and dreams go belly up and I equally dislike the complete and thorough pessimism towards everything. Being realistic in my mind is trying to deal with situations as they come and I know it isn’t always the best way. The world does need dreamers… and aren’t dreamers optimists? They wish and hope and dream of great things into their future and I refuse to go along with any of this until the actual work in achieving those things will get underway. At the same time, who am I to piss on anyone’s parade, right?
An example- say, I dream about a house with so much extra room that I can put in a pool table and a little library. The dreamer and optimistic me would sigh in bliss and design the outlay of each room to the very last minute detail. Dreaming, it’s great. The realistic me, however, taking into account the current situation, current period in life and other aspects tells the optimist/dreamer to wipe their mouth! Ain’t happening, because how? So what’s the point in fooling yourself into having something you never will actually have? Sounds more like a realist with pessimistic tendencies.
My Mister is a dreamer. Boy, can he dream and paint lovely pictures of what’s to come. At first, I laughed at all of the unrealistic dreams but then I considered. Would I like to have my dreams crushed by an apparently soulless wife? Ha-ha! Lesson number 90237234645 in relationship- notice your own mistakes and be considerate! I now listen to his dreams and nod, saying it would indeed be great if future held each of his daydreams. I fuel them with my own imagination and I do mention what needs to be really done to achieve those dreams. At the same time I get a slight heartache because I just don’t know if any of them will ever happen. Because life just doesn’t work this way and I hate planning for something to happen in 5 years. 5 years is a long time and anything, ANYthing can happen… Dreams may change, situations, locations may change and I just want to do something straight away when I plan something. I am more of a “Let’s do this now”- kind of person. See if it works and if not, let’s start at something different.
So, ultimately- is my pessimism something that is standing on the way of achievement? Am I chasing away opportunities simply because I am not willing to plan for something to happen in 5 years? I think so…
It’s funny now to think how I used to despise overly optimistic people. Probably because I myself was such a miserable git. Oh, I couldn’t stand to see them every day smiling constantly. Life is not that easy and fun and great, I thought. can’t you see all those things that are wrong, I thought. And I grumbled even more seeing the sight of their happy faces. Happy early in the morning, happy late at night. Darn it, don’t they ever get tired, I thought… Cause the overflowing optimism sure as hell exhausted me… Strange to say but I felt content in my lonely sadness. It was a constant that I knew how to deal with. I didn’t need anything else at the time.
Someone once told me that the only way out of a complete depression and solitude I needed to hit rock bottom. They told me that I should be careful at constantly repeating the mantra of “I don’t care!” because eventually it would turn me into someone I don’t really want to be. Needless to say, I didn’t care and I did hit rock bottom. And when I was in the very muck of things I started seeing the little good things I ignored before. Makes me laugh now that the very same person with some utterly good advice later on got so fed up with me that they sent me a 9mm bullet with a letter telling me to go and use it. (In my previous post I mentioned I gathered up some old letters and journals- yup, the bullet fell out from in between them)
Now, how did I come from talking about optimism to depression, is beyond me, but somehow in my mind these two were interlinked in this past of mine. Somehow I believe that wishing to be a realist has also been this one thing pushing me through tough times. Being optimistic doesn’t always work for everyone, I find as if it’s simply fooling oneself. Being realistic has told me to get a grip and get over it.
I now believe that no matter how hard things get, there will always be a change for the better. Time never stops and as time never stops, there is constant change in situations in parallel. I know there are many heartaches I have yet to feel in this life but I shove aside that pessimist in me because the realist in me tells me to enjoy the optimist in me to ride the wave until the wave is good!